Basically I look like a flight attendant
I overprocessed this one just slightly. Whatever.
I feel so fifties! I love it. Also, this is the first time in about two years that I’ve been able to wear this skirt. Cuz… I bought it back when I was MUCH skinnier, and then gained about 20lbs.
details: I don’t really know. I bought all of this a long time ago.
25 Comments
Asia M
Hey!
I rather agree with the part about having a boyfriend at 13. What sense does it make? I don’t actually have the same opinions as you on relationships; but in my world, you’re not in an actual relationship if you don’t sleep with the person. And you don’t sleep with anyone if you don’t have your own home. Etc.
However… I was a rebellious teenager. I don’t know if that is normal. But you cannot always blame it on lack of discipline. I consider myself very disciplined. I was the perfect student in class, and I’ve never done any of the stupid/forbidden things that a lot of teenagers do. From as far ago as I can remember, I have always striven to please my parents.
But I have also always felt that I was my own person, with feelings and thoughts of my own. It hurts me deeply when somebody disregards them and treats me as if I’m just a thoughtless, ignorant, irrational or malicious person who needs to be disciplined into blind submission. Just because it’s my parents doesn’t mean they have the right to involve me in things I consider wrong or bad.
I know some very traditional people think differently; my own mother thought she could do and say anything to me, and that it was okay by sole virtue of her being the mother, and I the daughter. I’m not talking about abuse either. My parents have never abused me. So maybe I’m too sensitive (I actually know I am), but I can’t stand by and shut up while somebody does or believes something wrong. Even if that somebody is my mom. I argue. I stand my ground and fight back.
I don’t think I ever longed for more structure than my parents gave me (in that respect, they certainly were good parents). But I did long for more recognition. For not assuming the blame for my parents’ problems. For not being taken down just so my mom could feel better about herself.
Being a parent is probably the hardest job in the world. But that’s why you’ve got to be humble. If you persist in trying to impose your will without being able to change and grow yourself, then… I don’t know. Tough luck if you’re my mom. But I won’t leave you alone so easy. Not if you provoke me.
Mara
To quote myself: ” I will accept the case of one out of four kids in a person’s family being rebellious, because there are just some kids who rebel no matter how good the parents are. But when all four of those kids are rebellious, I think there’s something wrong with the way they are being raised.” — I should probably have phrased that more specifically, expounded on it more, and reiterated it at the end. Not every family who has a rebellious kid= bad parents. And sometimes bad parents produce good kids. I have seen parents who disciplined well vs parents who didn’t discipline at all AND parents who took discipline too far, and thus… that’s what I based this blog on, and my opinion on. I worked with a girl who thought that any kind of spanking was abuse– she had never been spanked– and she had a messed up life. I have a close friend whose parents took discipline WAY too far, who has scars from some of the fights she’s had with her parents, and she and her siblings all have serious emotional issues. And my parents… hey, they spanked me, but they disciplined well, and as a child who was spanked for a reason, I don’t have issues with my self-esteem, self-worth, or self-confidence. They never took out their anger on us, and they never slipped up in their rules and said “eh, whatever.” They were true to the rules they brought us up with.
I really hope that the last part of your comment wasn’t spurred out of a belief that I think parents have the right to go extreme in discipline, or that my parents took advantage of a supposed “right to do whatever” as parents, and the right to force anything on their kids even if it wouldn’t be considered abuse. “…my own mother thought she could do and say anything to me, and that it was okay by sole virtue of her being the mother, and I the daughter”– I don’t think that’s right. That’s not something that my parents ever did, and I hope that I never, ever do that to my children.
I am wondering if my saying that I have a fear of talking back to my parents partly spurred your comment… I don’t feel like I explained that well enough. I’m not afraid of my parents. It’s… respect, perhaps? I’m not really sure how to separate it from the general idea of fear. I guess it just… is a fear of doing something wrong. It feels wrong to me to talk back to my parents, because I respect them and most of the time they were right anyway. I fear talking back to them in that I don’t want to disappoint them, and I’m almost… disappointed that I’ve let myself get to that point of wanting to talk back.
Anyway. I always enjoy your comments on posts like these. 😀
Mara
Oh! And I have a question based on “in my world, you’re not in an actual relationship if you don’t sleep with the person. And you don’t sleep with anyone if you don’t have your own home.”– I’m not quite sure I understand. Are you saying then that you’re not in a relationship unless you live together? And if so… does that mean that the relationship is largely about sex? And if if it’s not mostly about sex, then why would a non-sexual romantic relationship not be considered a relationship? If you’re dating someone but you don’t sleep with them, does that mean that you’re not in a real relationship and either of you can see other people? I just don’t quite understand what you meant by that statement.
Mara
AND… what is the relationship considered before you sleep together? If you’re not considering it to be an actual relationship until you sleep together… why would you sleep with them in the first place? (Haha, you probably know this, but to me… oh… dang. I forgot what I was going to say. OH! If I didn’t think that sex before marriage was wrong, I still would not consider sleeping with someone unless I knew that the relationship was a steady relationship. So for me, you’d have to be in a relationship before you slept with someone, and sleeping with them wouldn’t be the thing that defined it as a relationship.)
Bethly
I loved this post. SO very much. I was raised by equally wonderful parents and when I go to work and see so many coworkers struggling to do what the managers say without showing an attitude problem or questioning (in the wrong way) why they have to do it, I bless God for giving me parents who trained me early to respect authority. It makes it so much easier. And it makes the work day much less stressful!
Today’s kids are being raised by their peers. They get sent to school and their parents expect them to learn life lessons and morals from the teacher. And even if the majority of teachers in the public school system WERE worthy examples, the child is more likely to do what the kids in the cool cliques are doing rather than learn anything of value from an adult. Why? Because the teacher’s hands are tied. He/She can’t spank or discipline and now they practically can’t even say anything from conviction lest it do supposed emotional damage to a child or sound racist, biased…etc. Somehow this turned into a public school rant… but I think that’s a big part of the problem. Parents are no longer responsible for their own offspring. They give birth and then it’s up to the government run institutions to shape them into the men and women they’ll become. If we keep this up, we’re going to become a Communist country. Wow. I just brought up a whole bunch of controversial subjects! Sheesh!
Anyway. Love your post. 🙂 The end.
Mara
Your second paragraph made me remember: the beginning of the magazine had the percentage of moms who were GLAD that the school-year had started. That percentage? 80%
80% of the polled moms were glad to send their kids back to school, and that made me sad. When I told my mom, she said something along the lines of “I HATED it when school started again! Even before I started homeschooling!” (my two oldest brothers went to school for a few years before she decided to start homeschooling us.)
But it’s true; many parents do seem to rely on public schools to raise their children (sex ed classes, hello? Shouldn’t parents be the ones to educate their kids on that sort of thing? AGH and I saw this picture of a fifth grader being grossed out in a sex ed glass and I was like WAIT… fifth grader? Why do fifth graders need to know about sex? Yet another thing I was pretty clueless about until I was eighteen or so, and I didn’t suffer from that.)
Haha. Go controversial topics, woo! You totally did. I mean… there are just a lot of factors that go into why kids are… rebellious… but um… yes.
the end. 😉
Bethly
That’s just sad. I know my mom used to joke with people in the store that she hated school starting because the kids didn’t go anywhere AND she had to teach math and history! But in reality, break time has always been the hardest for us. Dad has trouble keeping the boys disciplined to do anything of value when they’re not put to a task, and the little ones make so many messes when their hands aren’t busy with pencils or crayons. But I know they wouldn’t give it up for the world. 🙂
I won’t ask how you came to find a picture of a fifth grader in a sex-ed class, but… Oh! From the magazine? 😛 I was imagining you looking up some strange key words on a search engine. Hehehe.
Mara
It was sad.
Haha, it was a website called The Daily What that basically gives you cool links/videos/news articles(Where I found those two videos from Sunday with the stars and the aurora) and is, for the most part, a fun place to find random cool things. And they do these posts daily that are like… the daily roundup of links to thinks you should look at or read. There’s always a random picture above the links, and that’s what it was.
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Sarah
So, I most definitely had a rebellious teen phase, but it didn’t last all throughout my teen years. I was never embarrassed to be seen with my parents, I loved them, and still do. I do think my parents did their best, and that I rebelled mostly because I was rebelling against God, questioning my beliefs, and really struggling spiritually at that time. I think that because when I stopped rebelling I also started becoming firm in my faith and building a good relationship with God, so yeah.
I agree, kids these days! But also, probably more than that, Parents these days! Which I know you were saying too.
Also, just to stand up with you on the spanking thing, I was spanked as a child too. I do remember one of them. Most of them I don’t remember, and they didn’t hurt really, and I would avoid them like the plague. They taught me to obey, not as much as my parents hoped I think ’cause I learned how to get around things and weasle my way out of a spanking, but they did teach me somewhat.
Also, boyfriend at 13?! My first boyfriend was when I was 15, I actually think that was too young. I wasn’t mature enough then, however I did learn alot and ended up going 2 years, from 16 to 18, without a boyfriend because I realized I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship, and to me dating should be serious, a prelude to marriage, not something you do on a whim.
Mara
Rebellious child! 😀 Yeah, rebelling against God really does sort of mess up your whole attitude. I’m glad you grew out of that phase.
Haha! Yes. I was saying both. We’ll just go with PEOPLE these days. Gosh. They’re so stupid. (sarcasm…)
I like what Bethly said a few comments down– “spankings should be accompanied by an explanation of wrongdoing, a prayer for a change of heart, and tearful hugs. It’s a method of instruction, not a way to lash out physically because your child irked you.” That’s exactly what I meant but couldn’t figure out how to say.
Yeah, exactly. That’s always been my stance about dating. A lot of people get intimidated by how seriously I take it, I think, because they think that I’m saying “if you date, you have to marry that person” and they go berserk. But that’s not what I mean. Dating should be taken as in… you think you could eventually marry that person, and this is the way you’re figuring that out. Not just “oh, he’s cute. I think I’ll have a fling.”
Margaret
SO TRUE. I feel like there are so many things that I was going to comment on and now I’ve forgotten everything!
I do remember, though, that my dad would always sit me down and explain why he had to spank me. Then he would say “I don’t want to do this, believe me, this hurts me much more than it hurts you.” and when he was done he would hold my and tell me he loved me. I respect and love my parents more than anyone in the world; I wish that everyone could have grown up with parents like mine. I admit, I have sometimes been embarrassed by some things my straightforward father says as I’m naturally a pretty shy girl but I have never in my life been embarrassed *of* him. Hey, the majority of the time I’m the one who initiates displays of affection.. 🙂
Mara
It’s okay. You can always comment later if you remember what you were going to comment on.
Yep, my parents did the same thing. And I wish everyone could have had parents like ours! I think that the world would be a better place if they did. 🙂
Demy
HI! 🙂 First, I really love this outfit! Your body is perfect and the skirt looks great on you! Indeed very fifties! Your hair rocks like that! 😀
So onto this amazing post. Seriously it’s one of my favorite posts EVER. I totally can relate and I do know what you mean about being “afraid” of talking back to your parents and being spanked but not abused and everything else you said. I do know what you mean, because I was raised that way. Mom would spank me and my brother, but as you said, it did not hurt. It did teach us though, that we have to respect the rules and we have to obey. And I’m persuaded that I’m the personality that I am right now because of my parents. And there is just no way to thank them for turning me into what I am today. Even if I AM a teenager. I’m 17, I never had a relationship, because I feel it’s not the right thing to do. How the hell are teens supposed to know what love is? I know I don’t know what it is. But I don’t want to find out now. I’ll have plenty of time later in my life. All this for me means respect to the people who brought me up like that and who teached me to be a good person, a good child and become a good HUMAN later. It’s respect, pure respect. And that’s why I and you and so many more people are sorts “afraid” of saying some things to their parents. I DO know what you mean, but it’s a really deep sentiment to be expressed into words. Well, I don’t say that there are not days that me and my mother argue or I don’t get along well with my dad, but I have never rolled eyes or said sth insulting. I’m really dissapointed by most of the teens around me today, because I know that teens are the future of community and this future is not supposed to be so fucked up..
Jeez, you really made me emotional 😛
Oh and one more thing: I do not agree with the belief of people that teacher should spank children. I never believed it and never gonna support this opinion, because moral discipline is parents’ work and teachers are there to make kids cleverer, and make them better personalities only through logic, discussion and examples. I’m saying this because I read some comments above about that. I do respect other opinions though 🙂 That’s why we are different after all!
Amazing post, Mara! Really amazing!
Mara
I’m going to reply to your comment more in full when I have more time, but I just wanted to clarify that I don’t think anyone BUT the parent has any business spanking a child. I would never spank a child that wasn’t mine– I’ve even been given permission by parents who I babysat for that I could spank their kids, but I didn’t feel comfortable doing that. I won’t even spank my nieces or nephew if I ever have the choice; I will put them in the corner or send them to their rooms, but I won’t spank them. I think that that form of discipline is something only parents should do.
I didn’t clarify that in the other comment because it would have turned out to be a really long tangent. 🙂
Bethly
Since I think I was the one who made the teachers and spanking comment, I’ll clarify. 🙂
With the state of things today, I wouldn’t give a teacher the responsibility of spanking a child that wasn’t theirs. But if the parents of said child knew the teacher well (I’m thinking more like a private Christian school) could trust them to discern when it was necessary, and the actual punishment wasn’t carried out in the classroom… well, I guess that’s a lot of ifs. 😛 I never felt comfortable being told “You can spank them if they get out of hand” by parents of the kids I babysat. So yes, I guess I’m no longer sure about my statement about teachers needing to spank kids. But that’s another reason I’d give homeschooling a thumbs up. Since it’s ultimately the parents duty to train up their children (including all the necessary disciplinary actions) the majority of their learning should come directly from them. But usually if a child is taught right at home, he/she will behave outside the home as well and they won’t need to worry about spankings from any other authority figures.
And I did say usually. 😉
What’s more, I do believe spanking should be a last resort. I know parents who use spankings for everything, and not only does it become less than a punishment to the kids over time, it looks like a lazy way of dealing with the situation. Spankings should be accompanied by an explanation of wrongdoing, a prayer for a change of heart, and tearful hugs. It’s a method of instruction, not a way to lash out physically because your child irked you.
Mara
It’s ALL YOUR FAULT. 😀
I’m glad you explained. I don’t think teachers have any business spanking kids– not only because they’re not their children, but also because, like you said, it should be a last resort AND there are many other methods of schoolroom discipline that can be used AND… there’s that whole thing about people who file for child abuse, and a teacher spanking a child could put him or her at risk legally. Which is pretty much the same reason I’d never spank a child that isn’t mine.
But yes. I like how you explained what spanking is used as, and I agree. It’s a method of instruction.
Mara
Aw, thank you. 😀
Exactly: it is a very deep sentiment that is hard to explain unless that person knows what you mean. I wish that more kids were “afraid” to talk back to their parents. I think they would be better off for it, and grow up to be more respectful AND gain more respect. That’s something else I credit to my upbringing– many people have said that just the way I *am* commands respect. It’s not something I’m conscious of, but I can see the effects of it in my life once people say something. 🙂
Haha! I’m good at making people emotional. 😀 Controversial subjects! YAY! 😀
Mimi
I totally agree with the first part. I just don’t understand why thirteen-year-olds feel the need to have a boyfriend. I guess they want to feel grown-up or whatever. I don’t consider it dating when neither person can drive. Honestly, most of the time, they aren’t even dating. For me, dating means the two people are going out together, alone. Or with another couple. Not this supposed couple and a hundred of their friends.
I am still a sort of rebellious teenager. But, my parents are pretty good parents. I’m only rebellious when they get on my case for the stupid things. They always try to tell me to listen to them and don’t do things the hard way. But I believe that I need to learn the hard way. If someone just tells me something, I’m not really going to learn anything. Also, my dad has a terrible temper. I used to be afraid when I was younger, but now that I’m older, I know how to “fight back.” I try to get him to understand, but by then he’s already ticked off and doesn’t really care to listen. Anyway, that’s just a few of my reasons.
Mara
Yeah. Thirteen year olds aren’t old enough to date, honestly. I doubt they even fully realize what it means to “date.”
My brother is more like you– he learns better by doing rather than being told. I don’t consider that really the rebellious I was talking about– you seem to respect your parents even though you disagree with them sometimes. 🙂
Haha, tempers run in my family! Thankfully my parents rarely lose their cool at us– I don’t remember them EVER doing it when we were young. Mom actually told me that she would send us to our rooms, count to ten (or longer), and wait until she was no longer angry before she came in to spank us.
shreejacob
One of my colleagues says that she’d rather know what was going on in her daughter’s life than not, which means she’ll need to accept the fact that 13 year old girls can have boyfriends.
For the longest time I thought when you hugged a boy, you could get pregnant. This made me freak out each time my uncle or cousins hugged me!!
I was 12 when I was introduced to Mills & Boons…hehe!
Mara
Well, I’d definitely rather know what is going on in my kid’s life, but I will also be telling them that no, they’re not allowed to date until they’re sixteen (or perhaps eighteen) because they’re not OLD enough to date until then… but I will also be raising them the way my parents raised me in regards to dating, and I can hope that they’ll take it as seriously as my brothers and I all do/did and not even feel the need or desire to take friendships beyond that until they’re old enough to understand what it means.
Then again, I was also raised that girls didn’t have close guy friends and guys didn’t have close girl friends, and while I didn’t get it when I was younger, I respected the rules set forth by my parents and I now know how wise it was for them to teach us that. (Because I have seen/experienced that no matter how much one friend might think it’s just a friendship, the other one will get too involved and someone is going to create and awkward situation, and someone’s heart will be broken.)
That’s hilarious!!! Oh my gosh. I never got how it could be a surprise that you were pregnant until I was…I don’t even know how old I was, because I thought that when you tried to have a baby, you just… had a baby. lol.
Avra-Sha Faohla
‘Thirteen year olds shouldn’t be worrying about boyfriends and breakups.’
In my world, no one should be worrying about boyfriends or breakups. She should only be worrying about whether or not he is the right one for her to marry!
‘Did you notice I said “husband” and not “boyfriend”? When I was thirteen, I assumed only married people kissed. That’s how little I knew about relationships.’
I wish I’d been that innocent! Then again, I wasn’t homeschooled like you were, so my parents weren’t the only people raising me, you could say. But at least I did not know about sex until I was twelve. I don’t know how old I was, but once I asked my mother, “Mommy, can people have babies if they’re not married?” I was definitely too young to handle the truth, so my mother said, “Well, the boy and girl would have to be around each other a lot.” So I used to always think that if a girl hung around a guy too much, she could get pregnant, but God takes care of it so that only the married people have kids. 😀
‘I know it might sound bad to some people that I say I fear my parents in some ways.’
Bad? Oh, no! Of course one should fear her parents! How can you respect them if you don’t fear them? I don’t understand why anyone might think it sounds bad to fear parents.
‘So where does that teenage disrespect come from?’
I think it’s something to do with the generation we’re in, and the way the world is today. The whole mentality of today’s world is dare to do things your way. There’s nothing wrong with being your own person——it’s a very good thing, in fact——but the way it’s approached is all wrong. This generation is all about being bold, and they tell you to be different where you shouldn’t be. It’s this boldness in the wrong place that is the source of all the disrespect.
‘Kids need parents who set rules. Kids need parents who say “be home by ten,” who say no to hanging out with the friend that is a bad influence, who take disciplinary action if the kid does something wrong.’
For me, it was always “be home before dark.” 😉 Still is sometimes, actually, depending on where I go. Enough that I feel a thrill when my mother lets me go outside at night!
‘I wasn’t spanked because my parents thought it was fun.’
Yeah . . . I remember two things from being spanked, the first being my crying and dread when my mother told me she was going to spank me, the second being my mother making sure I knew that it hurt her to spank me.
‘I mean, I already peer over my glasses at things. It’s probably about time I got a cane.’
Ha ha! 😀
You are definitely blessed with wonderful parents, Mara!
Mara
Man, I had a whole long reply to you, and then I had to leave my computer and I don’t remember it now. But yes, I read and agree with you. 🙂
Avra-Sha Faohla
Agh, that’s annoying! I hate when that happens. But I am very curious now what you were going to say!
Oh, I recently came across Leviticus 19:3 and thought of this. It says right there to fear your parents! So you can show that to anyone who says it’s bad to fear parents.