Whenever my husband takes pictures with me, I inevitably get silly and forget how to pose. I think that even though I’ve been blogging for somewhere around four years now (well, fashion blogging; I blogged about other things long before that), I still feel awkward when people I know in real life know about it. Or talk to me about it. Or ask how many followers I have (no idea, honestly! I rarely look) or whether something I’m wearing is from a sponsor, or make a big deal out of a package I’ve gotten from someone because of blogging…
It just feels odd. I think because my online presence — writing, blogging, youtube-ing — had been my little secret for years, and nobody outside of my parents and siblings had really known about my blog. And then I got brave and started posting outfit pictures to a personal Facebook album, and then people started telling me I should have a fashion blog and I had to respond “well… I already do…” and now everyone knows. But for quite a while, it was just my thing.
I was shy to tell other people, because I’ve always felt like an outsider a little bit. We moved around a lot when I was young, and I feel as though I grew up away from the social cliques that had formed by the time I moved back at thirteen. I was at the cusp of being aware that I did not really fit the mold of the people around me. I felt awkward and I talked too much; I was curvier than my friends; I had chubby cheeks and small lips; I liked to act out scenes from my head in the woods, and write out stories that I was sure nobody would ever read. I didn’t care about cute boys or swoon over Orlando Bloom. I cared about Lord of the Rings and Gormenghast, library trips and climbing trees, and pretending to be a princess who could take care of herself or a weird pirate whose skin was green.
I only ever had a few close friends. I wasn’t like the other girls, who had their circle of friends, who linked arms in pictures and laughed with each other in their groups. And while I loved them, and still do, I just wasn’t… in. And then I found this world of other girls like me online, who blogged about their lives and fashion and it didn’t matter what size they were or whether they had the perfect features or an immaculate life or a million friends; they were beautiful and fun and I’d finally found a place where I had a niche. But to tell people in real life about it? That was scary. I thought people would find my posing and posting my outfits to be vain, or weird, or stupid.
I’m still getting over that. People ask me to tell them about blogging, or to give them advice, or just in general what it’s all about, and I trip over myself. I don’t see myself as being a proficient or professional blogger. I’m just… me. I take pictures of my outfits because it’s fun and it’s part of creating beautiful things as an artist, and I write about my life because it’s my way of keeping a journal. It still amazes me that companies or Etsy shop owners out there think that this thing I do is good enough to want to work with me. Not because I have some idea that my blog is just horrible, but because I never thought I’d be in a place where people were that interested. It’s crazy how far this blog has come in the last four years. It’s crazy how many people online and in my personal life are genuinely interested in what I wear and post and talk about. Because I’m just me. A girl who grew up on a farm and lives in the country, who does not possess a perfect figure or face, who lives a mundane (but beautiful) life with her husband and admittedly internet-worthy baby in a house they don’t even own. Every moment of my life is not photo-perfect. I don’t wear designer clothes. I don’t have amazing adventures. And perhaps that is part of the fascination of it: the voyeurism of peering into another person’s mundane, normal, beautiful, everyday moments. Of seeing how another person lives their life, as simple as it may be. Those are certainly my favorite blogs to read. So, thank you for reading about me and my life. Thank you for liking this blog, what I wear, what I say, whatever it is I do. I’ve grown so much as a person because of all of you, friends that I know because of this blog, all of whom I so wish I could meet someday! I’ve grown in confidence, in conviction, in ability… all because you support this blog with your comments and emails and clicks and love. You guys truly are wonderful!Dress c/o Oasap | boots, JC Penney | tights, Target | scarf, husband-made | brooch, gift | glasses c/o Firmoo
And I have no good transition into this but I wanted to share it: we finally got our Christmas tree yesterday, and Asa was pretty excited.I posted a short clip on Instagram, but I also took a video with my computer as we were setting it up.
He thinks it’s pretty great. I can already see we’re going to have a hard time keeping him from it! But y’know. It’s cute, so… oh well.
P.S. This outfit was from Saturday. And my hair is starting to fade and look like fire. I should probably fix it.