Note: I’ve realized lately that I really want my blog to be more than just about the fashion aspect of my life. I have always been terrible at writing diary entries; from the tender age of seven, I’ve hoarded pretty diaries like a magpie pilfers shiny things, but I rarely wrote on more than ten of their pages. So I’m hoping to put more diary-like entries entailing things about my life other than what I’ve been wearing into the blog (along with pictures, if I happen to have some). I love fashion, and that will always be the primary focus of my pictures, but I want to write more about… life. I tend to censor myself unconsciously for some reason, and posts I start out writing somehow turn into monologues about what I’m wearing. Which isn’t what I meant this to be.
I want to share my life hereabouts, the highs and the lows, the fun and the struggles, hopes, dreams, work, adventures… everything. Because I’ve always meant this blog to be the diary I actually wrote in. So without further ado, here we go. A life-ramble. Because I need to.
Some of you know that I am currently trying to lose about 15-20 pounds. And before you jump the gun and tell me I look fine, let me say this: at 5’6″, I fluctuate between 160 and 165 pounds, and currently weigh more than my (admittedly slender) husband. I’m not saying that I’m grossly overweight, nor that I want to lose a zillion pounds to be model-thin. I just want to be healthy, and to conquer this weight that has stuck with me despite some of my best efforts.
And you guys, losing weight is hard.
Obviously, you probably already know this– nobody tackles a diet and says “Hey, this is going to be easy!” But somewhere in the back of my mind, even though I knew it would be hard, I suppose my eternally optimistic mind convinced me that it really wasn’t going to be all that bad. I’ve lost a mass amount of weight before. I cut sugar and white flour from my diet for four months and brought myself from 180 to around 155 by the power of self-control alone, so somewhere deep inside it felt like I’d be able to just snap to it and do that again.
Plus now, I’ve got the power of a gym membership on my side.
But it’s not a piece of cake. (There is no cake involved whatsoever.) Especially given the fact that I twisted my ankle right after I triumphantly weighed in at having lost a few pounds, and couldn’t go to the gym for two weeks. And gained it back plus five pounds.
People don’t seem to talk about the difficulties of dieting and exercising and being healthy. I’ve seen so many inspirational posts about how they triumphed, tips on how to stick with it, glory-stories with before-and-after pictures, but really… very few people divulge how much trying to lose weight can really suck. Especially at the beginning.
Because in the beginning, it’s the worst. I feel tired. I have a headache. I went to the gym yesterday to do an easy workout– bicycling at intervals of resistance 1 and resistance 4 for thirty minutes– and when I stood up I felt wobbly and exhausted. I have to refuse dessert when everyone else gets to indulge. I have no idea what to eat for breakfast or lunch most days. I’m drinking so much water I’m basically best friends with the bathroom.
And admittedly, it gets easier with time. But these first few weeks are going to be killer. And the hardest part will be practicing self-control.
It’s funny, because I can be incredibly good about what I cook– I can make myself great healthy breakfasts, lunches, and dinners– and I can have a healthy meal plan all worked out… but then I come to snack time and I am lost. Those chips come out, and I disregard all the work I’ve put into a healthy day and I eat the entire bag. I have great control when it comes to cooking, and terrible control when it comes to that can of Pringles– I can and have eaten an entire king-size candy bar AND a can of Pringles out of boredom–, or even just a meal that is healthy in moderation that I decide to eat more of simply because it tastes good.
Me and my portion sizes need some work.
So I’ve made a few lists that you can skip or read if you like. The first is my plan of attack for these first few weeks when I know that I will be ready to up and quit by tomorrow. (scratch that, I’m starving and ready to give up right now.) The second is a list of why losing weight sucks. The third, a list of why losing weight is totally worth it/my reasons for losing weight. I hope that this post hasn’t come off as too whiny, and I hope that you can be inspired to be healthy along with me even though sometimes it sucks.
Because I know that despite the difficulties of having a good diet and exercise, it will be worth it in the end, and I can do this. And so can you.
I’m going to put my lists after the jump. This post is already long enough.
I hope you all have a wonderful Tuesday! Thank you for listening to my rambles.
Plan of Attack:
- Plan out and shop for a week’s worth of meals– snacks and (sugar free) desserts included.
- Have all of my snack foods portioned out, if possible, so that I can’t just grab the entire box of pretzels and eat them all.
- Cut cane sugar and white flour from my diet permanently, with exceptions for parties and such, but for a short goal, don’t eat either for thirty days, no matter the occasion.
- Visit the gym at least three times a week.
- Match my workout pace to the pace of the music I’m listening to, and up the resistance of my machine every time the song changes. (This actually is really fun.)
- Put post-it notes with goals and encouragement EVERYWHERE. But especially on the fridge.
- Drink water if I get cravings.
- Only eat when I am legitimately, stomach-growling hungry.
- Make lots of snacks at home– hummus, guacamole etc– to eat while Mr. Owl eats his chips and whatever else he eats that I can’t have.
- Moderate my portion sizes religiously.
- Make it a priority that half of my plate is veggies, with only a quarter being meat and a quarter grains.
- Absolutely no eating after 8pm!
- Absolutely no eating while watching movies or TV.
Why losing weight sucks:
- I crave food all the time.
- I’m tired after the gym, and occasionally get dizzy after working out (this is part of my heart-rate being higher than it should be, which means… y’know, I need to exercise, as told by my doctor. Don’t worry.)
- I’m so sore sometimes. Ugh.
- I have a headache because I’m not eating sugar.
- I can’t participate in eating the fun food that everyone else gets at parties. And sometimes I feel rude for refusing food that people have made to serve me (and others).
- I want to do it by myself, but I can’t.
- My husband’s attempts to help tend to offend me because I already know what he’s telling me and my pride gets hurt. I need to work on that, too.
- I miss chocolate. And barbeque chips.
Why losing weight will be worth it, in the end:
- I will weigh less than my husband! (BIG reason.)
- I’ll be able to finally wear skinny jeans without them falling halfway down my bum when I bend over or sit down.
- Pencil skirts won’t ride up funny.
- I’ll be able to hike those mountains without stopping every five minutes for a breather and wanting to die by the time we get to the top.
- I’ll have formed some really good habits for life.
- I’ll be able to indulge in junk food without feeling like I’m adding a few more un-needed pounds to my hips.
- I won’t feel so chubby while wearing pants. Or shorts. Or swimsuits.
- I’ll be able to raise a healthy family
- Maybe baby weight after babies won’t be so hard to lose
- I will be taking care of my body as a temple of God
- I may be able to avoid the diabetes and obesity that plague my family
There are many more reasons that I’ll come up with, I know, but those are the main ones. I think.
Also: a picture, so that someday I can do the whole before-and-after glory post.