Today has been a rough day. I don’t usually dump my moods on the blog, because I like it to be a relatively positive place and also I dislike being a Debbie Downer, but today, you guys… it’s been one of those days where I just wanted to be done with it before I even got up.
It started at about 2am this morning with Asa’s waking up and crying because he’d lost his pacifier… and then again at 3:30am, and then he finally woke up at 4:30am and whined for a bit until I figured out — 15 minutes later — that he was hungry. Then he woke again at 6:30 complaining about his wet diaper. But it was one of those moments where I was so exhausted that I had to take a minute because I just did not want to be awake and dealing with anything.
But he went back to sleep and I sort of dozed until 8:30, which helped a little. So, you know, I had woken up already not wanting to deal with life. But since Asa is teething, he’s been cranky even while nursing, and when you’re already tired, having a semi-cranky baby is hard.
And to top it all off, my boss called to let me know that my numbers for work have been unacceptably low — he didn’t put it like that, I did — and that makes me feel bad. I know I have been distracted while working because I try working while Asa is awake, which means I’ll be going back and forth between him and work, and that really isn’t the best way to do it.
Thankfully, I’m not in huge trouble, but I do need to figure out a better schedule that allows me to be more focused while working, because I want to do the best that I possibly can. I had wondered how I was doing, and thought I was doing okay — not the best, but acceptable, anyway — so to find out I’m not doing great is tough. But that’s life. You win some, you lose some. So I’ll just focus on putting out my best, reaching goals, and… y’know, that’s all I can do, really!
I get a little overwhelmed by work sometimes; I would like to be just a stay at home mama and wife, and only have to focus on housework, babies, and my husband. But life isn’t always what we hope it will be, and right now having a part-time job is also a must. Some days it makes me feel like working a job means failing as a mama, not watching my baby when he needs to be watched, or failing as a housewife, not getting housework done because I have a shift to do instead.
Or failing as a wife, because when my husband gets home he has to watch the baby so I can finish work and I can’t spend more time with him. I don’t know how people have actual lifetime careers when they have kids, because it’s hard. But oh well. Life is tough, and we make it work, right? Days like these make me focus on the things I don’t like rather than the things I do like, and I’ve gotta work on that! But I think it’s okay to have a day to just cry a bit. You need to let the steam off sometimes.
One of the bright sides to life recently: this dress. It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged it, and I wasn’t able to wear it for about a year because of being pregnant and carrying the last bit of baby weight in my belly, but once I got back to normal this was the first thing I tried on! It’s probably my favorite floral dress (of the $25+ floral dresses I own). I hemmed it just a few inches so that it was better suited to wearing flats (or just better suited to my figure in general), and now it’s absolute perfection.
I have a huge weakness for brightly colored florals on dark backgrounds. Especially bright roses. Must hark back to my days of being little and having my mom make me pretty fluffy floral dresses to wear. (I also have an affinity for furry things. It started early, as you can see here.)
Thrifted vintage dress and belt | Target sandals | Revlon Fucshia Fusion and NYX Pink Lyric (in the center) lip
Hopefully this wasn’t too depressing of a post! I’m off to make dinner. That’s a happy note, right? Food is always happy. Haha!
Have a wonderful rest of your Thursday!