The difficulties of a postpartum body | outfit

The difficulties of a postpartum body | www.eccentricowl.comThe difficulties of a postpartum body |

If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll have already read a short snippet of how I’ve been lately. I wouldn’t say I am struggling, exactly, but I can definitely say I am not thriving. I’ve been stuck in a lack of desire to do anything – get dressed, clean, play, go out, whatever – and I am not sure if it’s end-of-winter blues, or postpartum depression, or other things that I will get to shortly.

Whatever it is, though, I have been realizing more and more how much I need quiet time, prayer, and God. I’ve never been very good at consistent bible reading, but I’ve found myself aching to read more and more these days. Which makes me so happy; I always wondered if somehow I was a bad Christian because I have never felt that life-changing moment that so many people profess; that “and then my love for God just blossomed and there were fireworks!” time of life… hasn’t gotten to me.

Much like my love for my husband never had the fireworks and stomach tingles and butterflies, I think my relationship with and love for God is a slow and steady thing, perhaps inconsistent on my part, but ever faithful on His. I have taken to placing my bible on top of my computer to remind myself what is most important in life.

The difficulties of a postpartum body |

But, I know that my current blahs also have to do with this postpartum body, and weight. I have always been a huge advocate for confidence at any size, whether you feel you want to lose or gain weight, whether you’re curvy or thin. Find a way to dress yourself so you feel good, and rock the body you’re in.

Yet, I find myself often glancing at the body I’m in right now, and feeling sad. With Asa, I lost the baby weight in 12 days, just breastfeeding and eating fairly healthy. But with Evie, I lost a few pounds and then gained a few pounds, and have stayed the same weight for six months. And it’s not a weight I am happy with. I am at the heaviest I have ever been (while not pregnant), and it gets to me. It gets to me when I see the belly that people have assumed was a pregnant one. It gets to me when my favorite skirts and dresses don’t fit. It gets to me when I grab a size up from my  normal jean size, and find that I need to go up again.

The difficulties of a postpartum body | www.eccentricowl.comThe difficulties of a postpartum body |

Even while knowing that sometimes, the weight hangs on until the baby is done breastfeeding, it gets to me. Even while I can still be confident and feel beautiful, it gets to me.

So I am currently in the second week of a Whole30, which has been an entirely new struggle in itself (it’s so much harder the second time around), and I am working on finding garments that fit, and packing away the ones that don’t.

The difficulties of a postpartum body | www.eccentricowl.comThe difficulties of a postpartum body |

For some people, it works to have a dress out that is the size they wish to be. It’s motivation, or encouragement, or whatever else it might do to help them stick to their goals. For me, that doesn’t work. I just get semi-depressed, and want to sink into my comfort foods while playing sad songs (okay, not really, but you get the idea. 😉 )

It’s so interesting to me how different this second postartum experience has been from my first. In one woman, you can have two vastly different outcomes. Which is why I am still surprised when people assume that all pregnancies and all bodies are alike. I always want to ask “Um, have you ever been pregnant? Were they all the same?” because… guys.

The difficulties of a postpartum body | www.eccentricowl.comThe difficulties of a postpartum body | The difficulties of a postpartum body |

Everything vintage and/or thrifted

Anyway! I hope I didn’t come off as too depressed, because really… I mean, yeah, I don’t like the weight I am at right now, and I haven’t had the motivation to do much this last week (except dive into lifestyle videos, which you should totally watch), but I am still fairly happy. Life is pretty good. My kids are cute. Y’know.

I hope you are all having a great start to your week!


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  • Grace

    You look charming. The green surprisingly looks pretty awesome with your hair! I’ve had two children. The first one (a boy) wasn’t to bad. I gained a lot of weight but within a year with mild exercise I was only 10 pounds shy of my goal. The second one (a girl) was completely different. I gained far more weight (runs in the family unfortunately) my skin went nuts, well everything went nuts actually. Afterwards I lost some but gained it all back. I kept the pregnant looking belly and the terrible skin. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve been asked when I’m due and it gets to you even if you try to brush it off. It took almost a year and a half to get out of the depression but I pulled through and so will you! My weight is still there and I’ve been trying to do 20 min of exercise whenever I get a chance and even if the weight isn’t gone I do feel much better physically and emotionally. Hang in there it will get better and I’ll be praying for you!


  • Pam

    What a lovely colour green! I lost all of my baby weight pretty quickly; mainly because I was unlucky enough to have gestational diabetes and ended up losing weight while I was pregnant (scary). However, my body is a very different shape. I am especially not very happy with my thick waste. Walking with the baby is not always easy given the weather, and being so busy otherwise. My husband has moved to a different province for work, so I am sort of like a single mum. Obviously not completely, because I still have my husband’s emotional support. But it still kind of sucks at times.

    I hope you feel better soon. The public health nurse told me women go through a few hormonal surges post pregnancy which may also be affecting your mood. Anyway, thanks for bringing me some joy with your lovely colours 🙂

  • Ally Wright

    Thank you so much for writing this post. While I’ve never been pregnant and haven’t had the same kind of struggles you have, I’ve definitely had a really hard time with my weight and self confidence lately. I’ve also been feeling more compelled to get closer to God and have started reading my Bible again. If you’re interested, the Village Church has some great podcasts up on iTunes. It’s kind of incredible to me that this is what you wrote about in this post…I almost didn’t click on it because I saw the title and knew I wouldn’t be able to relate to the postpartum conversation, but I’m so glad I did. I literally had a panic attack tonight because I was so anxious about my body (which I’m not proud of). Thank you for writing this and for being brave. Thank you for sharing your life. I can’t tell you how much better and less alone reading this post has made me feel.

  • SaraLily

    I hear ya! Big time! I am currently comfortable with where I am at right now – a bit more curvy than I am used to – but does it still tick me off when I look at a dress that I know won’t fit? OMG YES, MY HEART BREAKS! Probably because of how much I invest in my “collection” and how much I love my dresses. Even when I am confident and don’t even feel like I want to be back down to a smaller size, I have moments.

    We all do! Just keep reminding yourself of the good in your life (your hubby, your beautiful babies, your awesome pink hair, your love for making videos and so much more!) – you can get through anything!!

  • Justina Kenyon

    If you are getting into reading your Bible more (something I really need to do also), I highly suggest reading Judges. Seems like a strange suggestion, but that is the book I always love to read. Especially, for the whole story of Samson. It’s a lot more than we learn in Sunday school…

    I hope that you can keep moving forward one day at a time and that you find your joy again.

  • Heather Gwinn

    First of all, you look amazing! I always see such a well put together elegant woman with a wonderful style and mind. Your mint dress is such a dream. I’d love to find one like that. But I also know that appearances are only half the story. The picture we paint isn’t necessarily how we feel.

    With my first pregnancy I gained a lot of weight. My doctor never discussed healthy weight gain with me. I had a lot of knee pains and struggled for years to lose that extra weight. It made me lose a sense of self and I got depressed. With my second I was much more aware of eating better and lost my baby weight reasonable fast. In return I had a better postpartum experience. This pregnancy, I’m already gaining weight faster than the others. It makes me anxious but I’m trying not to worry too much about it till after. One day at a time right? So yes, every pregnancy is different. No two alike. I feel confident if you stick to your whole 30 and stay positive, in time your body will start responding and get back to a place that makes you feel better, even if that isn’t weight loss, eating healthier does wonderful things for your spirit and overall mood/ energy.

    I’ve been like you with my Bible reading. I’m not strongly versed and don’t read as often as I need to be but have had that same yearning to read and learn more. I have a daily devotion I keep near my bed as a reminder to devote more time to God. I also joined a MOPS group to be more evolved with moms and God’s word. You should see if you have one near you! It’s a wonderful way to get out (with the kiddos) and surround yourself around women going through the same motions.

    Heather| The Arbitrary Fox